Monday, June 6, 2011

Marijuana Awareness Class: An Open Letter to Courtney Love

About a year ago, I got arrested because I fell asleep in car completely stoned and wasted, and of course a cop pulled up behind us and we alll got sent to the slammer! LOCK EM UP BOYS, THEY'RE A MENACE TO SOCIETY. Anyway, I got me a fancy-schmancy lawyer and he got me out of hot water, but at the expense of taking a marijuana awareness class.

First off, I guess i should say how absolutely grim and disappointingly boring the room we were in was. It was a "conference" room at a La Quinta Inn and it was merely an empty room with six flourescent light bulbs, beaming down on a few over-crowded tables of juvenile delinquents. It was an absolute embarrassment to be seen here so luckily no one I knew was there. That is, until someone from the back of the room yelled, "Leo! Hey Leo!".

I shuddered in embarrassment and saw the bulky, muscle-swollen kid from my English class that made consistent jokes about farts and references to UFC or whatever else douche bags thrive on. I kind of smiled at him and sat at another table of misfits.

Beside me was a kid with purple highlights which was, in itself, a hilarious characteristic trait. Beside him was a Courtney Love stunt double that made constant outbursts and references to killing her husband. Hahahaha, I swear every sentence the "teacher" said about marijuana, she would follow with a statement about how she would love to kill her good-for-nothing husband. I love it when people drag their own shit in public.

Then beside her was a 16 - 25 year old black guy with a massive afro and a pair of jorts with a massive graphic of Bob Marley on them. He was pretty much the epitome of "Hey, pull that guy over. He looks suspicious." And BAM! Those cops were right, haha.

The class was pretty much a seven hour drone fest with nothing but stoned, drunk and pilled-out excuses for humans. The Courtney Love stunt double was by far the most entertaining aspect of the entire class. She unfortunately got moved to another table because she was making me laugh so hard and the teacher found it disruptive for two people at marijuana class to get along so well.

There was a point in the class where our teacher had brought up mixing alcohol with marijuana and the possible 'fatal' effects and she simply bursted out, pulling her hair and yelled "MAN, THIS ONE TIME I TOOK FIFTY SOMAS (pain killers) AND DOWNED A BOTTLE OF WILD TURKEY (cheap, cheap african-american malt liquor) AND I WAS COMPLETELY FINE." I'll remind you all, that she said this with smeared lipstick, haha.

Stunt-double Courtney Love, if you're out there... I miss your antics!

That is all...

7 clueless comments:

may your paths one day cross again

haha stunt-double Courtney sounds like quite the character!

Was this before April 5, 1994? If it was, she might have been the real Courtney Love and the whole suicide thing just got more suspicious.

That class sounds more like entertainment than punishment.

hahaha. this is great.

haha the afro part made me lol

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