Friday, August 5, 2011

Jersey Shore Roundup

I know what you're thinking... Why is this dumb ass talking about Jersey Shore. I'll tell you why! Watching Jersey Shore is the same type of interest as cars slowing down when a grisly car accident has just happened on the side of the road. You know you do it too so don't judge me.

I guess I should start out talking about this atrocity that has earned these turds with make-up MILLIONS of dollars. Seriously, whose idea was it to put the most stereotypical Italian douche bags in... wait for it... ITALY. Hahahaha that has to be the most offensive thing to bring into that country. It's like going to China with goofy front teeth and walking around saying "herro" and getting into three car collisions.

I also like how the cave dwarf (Snooki) works out and thinks she's a cute little thing now... LOL. Snooki looks like what ET would look like if he ate one too many reese's pieces ...Think about it.

And what in God's name is wrong with "The Situation"s face? He looks like Popeye after a three week meth binge mixed with a slight dabbling in child pornography and trafficking. Seriously, I get that the guy has a 'good body' and has a lot of money, but how can any self respecting girl sleep with this dude. He's a walking petri dish of STDs and idiotic fumes but whatever. I know no matter what I say about him, he'll still be laughing his retarded smile to the bank. Moving on!

Another thing that kind of bothers me about the show besides EVERYTHING is their inaudible accents. I can't understand a fucking word any of them are saying. It's as if every time they have a conversation with eachother, it sounds like Sylvester Stallone and Tony Danza are wrestling behind a muffled doorway.

And the girls!

You know how people tell retarded kids that they can do anything? Well apparently they can! Ahh... the parents of these four dim-witted cum swallowers can sigh of relief because they have finally found a base on how to live their lives normally in society. Honestly, the combined IQ of these women is that of a cheese sandwich. Not even a HAM and cheese sandwich. Ham and cheese is smarter.

Then the turds with wigs burn their hair in the show (LOL) and the only slight glimmer of cleverness came from Snooki when she opened her mouth, not to inhale a penis, but to actually say something! She said "my heart is racing. I feel like King Kong's asshole." LOLWUT. This comment made me laugh the same way a baby makes me laugh when he poops his pants. It's an unintentional funny so I guess I will give the cave dweller that much.

At this point, I've pretty much figured out the formula for Jersey Shore. Stupid girl scene followed by work out followed by make-up-some-phrase followed by fighting/sex and voila! We've got a hit ladies and gentlemen! I'll be posting what I think of these six meat heads every week because I have no life. Have a good weekend!

31 clueless comments:

I used to watch Jersey Shore with my brother, mostly to waste time. After watching it for a while, Pauly D is actually the coolest dude on that show. give it some time.

Thanks for the indepth look at jersey shore, now i know i will never watch it! You saved hours of my life! Thank you!

I haven't had a laugh reading blog posts in months. Thank you for this.Best Jersey Shore review you'll read on the internet.

Watched an episode, heard them talk, never watched again.

Never watched this show and never plan on it. Just does not appeal. Not even a little.

So many people love it. Only thing I've ever seen is a commercial of Snookie getting punched in the face.

I watched the first season a little. Haven't followed it since then but don't really care. I love how everyones hates on them though. I'd do exactly what they were if I could. Fist pumping (in my head) til I die.

Well thank goodness you didn't make a post praising this show, otherwise I woulda been outta here so fast...

So happy the first episode was good, and holy crap this season is going to be wildddd!

well at least the girls are really hot!

I feel like an old fart saying this but I'm pretty sure anything you watch on MTV now will make you dumber.

i don't watch any tv actually. waste of time imo

None of them seem attractive, just over worked up people with to much idea of self worth.

Unfortunately ( or fortunately I guess ) they dont show Jersery Shore where i live so havnt had the chance to see it. But from some of the clips I saw on youtube it almost looks to ridiculous to be real, some times I think they just act like that to get viewers.

Hahaha, this is a very funny article. Making fun of them is too easy, but this was done tactfully :) Snookie had those jokes coming.. Just... Wow.

Isn't the show scripted too? I'm pretty sure it's scripted.

Never watched this show and never won't, just don't like reality shows, even though there are always super hot chicks :p

i dont care whether it has a script or not, the entire show is pure bullshit

It's similar to a game of Dwarf Fortress; it's hard to control and figure out, the dwarves constantly need food and booze yet are completely defiant to requests that they work.

I wont lie, this is one of my guilty pleasures. Hard not to watch.

I admit that I'm disgusted when I look at Snookie, but there's something keeping my attention.

Pauly D is definitely one of the funnier people on TV. Other than that, shit's scripted, bro. :(

spongebob is a more lifelike reality show than this shit on the airways.

Funny stuff, the girls are hot though

Snookie makes me want to destroy the human race.

I've never even seen this show. My ex loved it thought. So i dumped her.

This is the sort of thing that makes me ashamed to be from new jersey. The sad thing is, I know people like this in real life. And they think its ok.

i like how they got rich for the same things that i did at their age to get poor

zomg. fucking hilarious! This makes me want to actually watch the show. I love your analogies! oh man, thanks for making my day!!

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