Why I love COPS

 Uhh... I should probably clarify. I don't necissarily LOVE cops, I love COPS the television show although I'm sure cops are really nice guys. Their mothers are lovely. Cops is probably the only reason I don't kill myself from boredom on weekday afternoons. Also, that right there should tell you the type of audience COPS is trying to entertain. People who are home at the middle of the day... let's see, that would be old people, unemployed drop outs, unemployed in general and of course babies! The advertising for the show says it all, it's a complete montage of Pampers, Depends and Rehab Facility commercials. Moving on!

Every person on this show has broken the law. Wanna know how I know? Here's a hint, if they didn't do anything illegal, then they wouldn't be on television. Who wants to see someone get pulled over then let off with a warning? No one. So when a cop pulls someone over on COPS the television show, don't ever have a shadow of a doubt that someone in that car is getting arrested. That's what makes the show so fun and that's when I play GUESS THAT CRIME.

GUESS THAT CRIME is a game I play with no one because nobody else I know understands the true comedy of COPS. I don't understand why this show isn't held in such high critical regards like that of Seinfeld or Arrested Development. When they announce the Emmys they should always announce COPS in the Outstanding Comedy Series category and Jimbo the toothless junkie as Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series.

Basically I try to guess what the person has done based on how nervous they are and how they react to certain questions. There is an entire ARRAY of factors that play into the game as well including race, neighborhood, assholery of the cop, whether not the perp has teeth, crossdressing and my FAVORITE: the fucking liars. If they look away after a question or act completely SURPRISED when a cop finds weed in their pocket, they are the lucky winner of the Daily Fucking Liar points. Congrats, you get a bonus question! It's an infinite process that goes on in my head and no one ever wins.

But my favorite episodes, absolute FUCKING FAVORITE all time episodes are the ones that are always in Las Vegas. Dear God, you know why I love Las Vegas episodes of COPS? Because shit like this happens.

Yup! Joy in my life. These criminals are a different brand of criminals, fuck they're a different species, just because they make a career out of crime and decide to not learn about anything else at all ever. Haha. Las Vegas criminals are like the caviar of the crime world. It's not not that they're classy, it's that they are so GREAT and you know what every Vegas criminal has? A black girl in the passenger seat with cocaine in her purse. I swear Vegas criminals get more black girls wet than Hurricane Katrina.

And good night! Also, some of you may notice I've changed my blog a bit. Be sure to like this on Facebook on the top right of the home page so all your other friends can get depressed.

Posted in: Cops,Criminals,Las Vegas