Midget Redemption

I feel really bad for midgets. I hate making jokes about midgets because I always feel like shit afterward just because I know they are the but of everyone's joke and they really get the short end of the stick. Not cool. Whenever I see little people on television or in films, I always notice (no pun intended) that they get really small roles and...

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Movie Cliches Have Ruined My Life

There are certain things that I can't do and things that I can't let other people do because I see these events unfold in movies and I'm always expecting it to have the same outcome. For example! Do not walk backwards into a street or I promise you I will shit my pantaloons. When someone walks backwards into a street, I fully expect a double-decker...

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Culture Shock

I guess this is more of a follow up blog on something that I wrote about last week, but it's still bothering me how different this generation is compared to previous ones and I think it's because we've been exposed to more freaky shit. Do you remember what the WORST thing you ever saw was before the internet came around? Probably weird poop or a dead...

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Why I love COPS

 Uhh... I should probably clarify. I don't necissarily LOVE cops, I love COPS the television show although I'm sure cops are really nice guys. Their mothers are lovely. Cops is probably the only reason I don't kill myself from boredom on weekday afternoons. Also, that right there should tell you the type of audience COPS is trying to entertain....

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Monday Movie Review: Rise of the Planet of the Apes

If there is any animal on this planet that could gain super intelligent abilities and sadistic thoughts, which animal would you think would be the CREEPIEST? Yeah, I also thought a planet run by ostriches would be fucking disturbing but apparently these Hollywood Big-Wigs disagree with me. I went out and saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes and the...

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Sign Spinners

Lately I've been noticing an influx of sign spinners which is basically a mediocre, hourly job that can be found on any city's Craigslist classifieds. The job entails a person of no talent to take a large sign and guide people into a new business, new homes or anything that may be attractive to a gigantic arrow. A couple of weeks ago, I was driving...

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Indie Movies Suck

Sure some independent films are brilliant like Pulp Fiction, American History X, Leon, etc... But the 'good' films only take up about 5% of the independent film collection. The reason these films are so well known is because they were filtered through all of the other indie films which SUCK MASSIVE ASS. At one point did it become 'edgy' and 'cool'...

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Cynics: A Quick Overview at a Snobby Society

Cynical - adj. bitterly or sneeringly distrustful, contemptuous, or pessimistic. We've gotten so bored as an American society that we've created a new emotion. Cynicism. Cynics can come in all shapes and sizes but tend to stick to a singular age group (Generation X) and they all tend to do the same thing which is scoff at any music that isn't cool,...

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Monday Movie Review: Catwoman

This is gonna be fun. You know why? Because Catwoman is so bad that it's good. It's almost as if the writers fully intended for their audience to laugh hysterically. Catwoman is just one big sad hour and forty minute long failure of cinema. Let's say the movie industry was a Mom and this movie was its child. Well, this child thought it was a good...

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Jersey Shore Roundup

I know what you're thinking... Why is this dumb ass talking about Jersey Shore. I'll tell you why! Watching Jersey Shore is the same type of interest as cars slowing down when a grisly car accident has just happened on the side of the road. You know you do it too so don't judge me. I guess I should start out talking about this atrocity that has earned...

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Generation Tech

My generation is commonly referred to as Generation X which honestly means nothing to me except for the fact that it makes all young people sound scary. I've grown to realize that I belong to the generation that was the last of our kind to experience what life was like WITHOUT internet. Now when I see little kids walking around it's as if they just...

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Funny Places to Stick My QR Code

Perhaps you've seen these around trendy coffee shops or just on the bottom of a magazine! What is it, you ask? It's a QR Code and it's the latest in lazy advertising so of course I jumped on board the QR Code train. Hop on kids! We're going for a ride! QR Codes are a small pixelated square that people can scan with their smart phones, and after...

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Harry Potter Binge

WELL, I officially lost my self respect this weekend. In a 72 hour period, I've managed to defile my own sense of worth and watch every single Harry Potter movie (excluding The Chamber of Secrets because I can't fucking find my brother's copy of that DVD anywhere in the house). Why did I watch all of them, you ask? Because I saw a clip of the newest...

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