The Human Fascination With Oprah Winfrey

Yup, I admit I have fallen into a disgusting fascination with the billionaire wildebeest the public so affectionately calls Oprah. Since this year started, I have seen her face on more magazines, blogs, and gossip sites than Lindsay Lohan's snatch. I eventually realized that her big fat, rich ass has been plastered everywhere because this is her FAREWELL SEASON! Jesus' big fat balls, call the press and alert the president... IT'S OPRAH'S FAREWELL SEASON GODDAMMIT.

So I fell into a deep following of everything Oprah does and all of her charitable contributions, generous (and outrageous) giveaways and the characature she so flawlessly flaunts on her show which is one that elongates EEVVERRYYYYY SINGLEEEE SYLABLEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That lady really likes to stretch her words out when she's excited... Seriously, sometimes I feel like she's slipping into an impression of Helen Keller.

Anyway, there are a few things I want to point out about the money swallowing warthog that has captivated the hearts of so many bored housewives. For one, how about her audience... I have realized from the audience she collects during her shows that the obvious viewership is an abundance of home-makers that are folding laundry and crying into their laundry baskets while eating off-brand cereal and trying to fold their newly born baby's diapers. So yeah, that's what goes on behind the television of The Oprah Winfey show... A cavalcade of shit, cheap cereal and tears.

Also, for some reason Oprah has become an advocate for texting and driving? Hahaha... Okay, what? Seriously, she is the most powerful woman... no PERSON in the entire universe including God and she decides to pick up the cause of texting and driving? It's a good thing to focus on but why the hell is she putting so much effort and time into it? This seems like a stupid program that Michelle Obama would do, not Oprah Winfrey, the coin hoarding beast from the trenches of Alabama. She could easily end world hunger... EASILY with one paycheck she receives in the mail, she could change the world but instead she wants to waste her big ass time on making sure teenagers don't die. NEWSFLASH: those teenagers deserve to die.

So what exactly is the public's fascination with Oprah?

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