Well, I guess we should go ahead and start this car wreck. Come on kids, get in the car, because we're going to Suckville. I guess I don't really have a personal problem with disaster movies, I actually quite enjoy them. Deep Impact, Armageddon, Independence Day... All pretty bad movies, but enjoyable!
2012 really set the path in shitty, shitty movie writing like Michael Bay, the Godfather of bad writing has so eloquently reflected as well as the Einstein of a director for Battle: LA (barf). Anyways, 2012 is just an all out, t-bagging circle jerk of a movie. I can understand why people may enjoy it. We're all looking at a pretty normal flick with classic, shitty writing and then- OH MY GOD.
Check out those incredible special effects! I'm blown away that there was a fault in the Earth right between these two pretty actor lol talk about subtle product placement!
"I THINK WE'RE BEING PULLED APART HERP DERP."
So yeah, this is the story I guess... A guy is kind of a shitty father so he decides to take his kids on a camping trip! Awh, idn't that sweet? Wait, guys, you didn't let me finish... ON THE WEEKEND OF THE APOCALYPSE... BRING YOUR PITCHFORKS AND GOAT FUCKERS CAUSE WE'RE GOING APE SHIT IN THE FIELDS OF YELLOW STONE. Woody Harrilson knows what I'm talkin' about!
Hahahaha, what the swinging dicks? Why? Just, why? I always heard in inerviews and stuff that Woody Harrilson takes all his parts seriously and he's basically like the opposite of Tim Allen and then he does a part like this? This is like Meryl Streep signing up for an episode of Tellitubbies. (fingers crossed)
Anyways, the rest of the movie is basically awful, awfully written scenes attempting to portray some kind of universal humanistic emotion but just ends up feeling like a bad porno. We're all watching this for one reason and that's to see the big action scenes (sex scene) but the hollywood big-wigs wanted to try to make this shit artsy and you add in all the extra dialogue in between the good scenes.
Then I guess the screenplay took an awry, original turn into Noah's Ark? Sure, let's just pretend like that's a novel idea and not even creatively re-interpreted like Deep Impact did with the underground 2-year cave. NOPE, WE'LL JUST STICK WITH THE BOAT STORY, NO REASON TO CHANGE IT.
Whatever,
R.I.P. My dreams.
