I know what you're thinking... Why is this dumb ass talking about Jersey Shore. I'll tell you why! Watching Jersey Shore is the same type of interest as cars slowing down when a grisly car accident has just happened on the side of the road. You know you do it too so don't judge me.
I guess I should start out talking about this atrocity that has earned these turds with make-up MILLIONS of dollars. Seriously, whose idea was it to put the most stereotypical Italian douche bags in... wait for it... ITALY. Hahahaha that has to be the most offensive thing to bring into that country. It's like going to China with goofy front teeth and walking around saying "herro" and getting into three car collisions.
I also like how the cave dwarf (Snooki) works out and thinks she's a cute little thing now... LOL. Snooki looks like what ET would look like if he ate one too many reese's pieces ...Think about it.
And what in God's name is wrong with "The Situation"s face? He looks like Popeye after a three week meth binge mixed with a slight dabbling in child pornography and trafficking. Seriously, I get that the guy has a 'good body' and has a lot of money, but how can any self respecting girl sleep with this dude. He's a walking petri dish of STDs and idiotic fumes but whatever. I know no matter what I say about him, he'll still be laughing his retarded smile to the bank. Moving on!
Another thing that kind of bothers me about the show besides EVERYTHING is their inaudible accents. I can't understand a fucking word any of them are saying. It's as if every time they have a conversation with eachother, it sounds like Sylvester Stallone and Tony Danza are wrestling behind a muffled doorway.
And the girls!
You know how people tell retarded kids that they can do anything? Well apparently they can! Ahh... the parents of these four dim-witted cum swallowers can sigh of relief because they have finally found a base on how to live their lives normally in society. Honestly, the combined IQ of these women is that of a cheese sandwich. Not even a HAM and cheese sandwich. Ham and cheese is smarter.
Then the turds with wigs burn their hair in the show (LOL) and the only slight glimmer of cleverness came from Snooki when she opened her mouth, not to inhale a penis, but to actually say something! She said "my heart is racing. I feel like King Kong's asshole." LOLWUT. This comment made me laugh the same way a baby makes me laugh when he poops his pants. It's an unintentional funny so I guess I will give the cave dweller that much.
At this point, I've pretty much figured out the formula for Jersey Shore. Stupid girl scene followed by work out followed by make-up-some-phrase followed by fighting/sex and voila! We've got a hit ladies and gentlemen! I'll be posting what I think of these six meat heads every week because I have no life. Have a good weekend!
