There are certain things that I can't do and things that I can't let other people do because I see these events unfold in movies and I'm always expecting it to have the same outcome. For example! Do not walk backwards into a street or I promise you I will shit my pantaloons. When someone walks backwards into a street, I fully expect a double-decker London bus to come slamming into them out of fucking nowhere.
Another example is I can never open my medicine cabinet, then close it without looking behind me. If I do this, I expect a murderous clown will appear behind me in the reflection wielding a bloody knife. Yeah, if I don't turn around that's exactly what will happen. But Jesus on a popsicle, I can't stop there. I have an endless list of shit that I've seen written into films so many times, I expect them to be an actual part of life.
I was bitterly disappointed when my first kiss wasn't met with a kick of the leg, but instead an awkward mess. I also expected every pregnant woman EVERYWHERE to have their water break when they were about to go into labor. Did you guys know that that rarely even happens? Goddamn you cinema for trashing society. Goddamn you.
