Well, I went to the eye doctor yesterday and honestly I felt a little bit uncomfortable. Every time I go and see my optometrist, I always feel like he's coming onto me. Especially when he closes the door behind him and dims the lights. Sure, he has to dim them in order to get an effective reading of my retnas but why does he have to get so close to my face? Keep your distance Doctor Friendly...
Then as the session went on, I continuously thought of funny ways my 60 year old optometrist could have made advances at me. At the moment of dimming the lights, I imagined him clapping his hands seductively and a soft Jazz instrumental playing throughout the room.
Me: Uhh... why is there music playing?
Doctor: Hmm? Oh, I just thought it would lighten the mood a bit. Sit back, relax and just let me do all the work. Take off your pants if you'd like.
Me: What?
Doctor: Huh? Nothing.
Obviously that didn't happen but I still tried not to laugh under my breath as he started to edge closer to me, asking me mundane questions about how everything is going as far as school, work and life in general.
Doctor: So Leo, how's everything going?
Me: Pretty good I guess, I'm moving to San Antonio in about three weeks.
Doctor: Oh, that's nice and how's your mother?
Me: She's really good.
Doctor: That's good to hear, very good to hear and how is your butthole feeling lately?
Me: Excuse me?
Doctor: I said how is your father?
Me: Oh, he's fine.
Hahahahaha, I kept dishing out so many scenarios in my head that I couldn't even contain my laughter. It was obvious now that I was laughing and the doctor started to notice and asked me what was so funny. I ignored him and just shut my mouth.
Then he decided to give me the infamous eye exam. He clicked a button that showed several letters all lined up and asked me what I saw.
Doctor: Okay Leo, I'm going to show you a few images and I want you to tell me what you see.
Me: Okay.
Doctor: What do you see here?
Me: I see the letters Q, R, S, F, L, E and... I think that's an H?
Doctor: Great! Okay, next image. Now what do you see?
Me: Umm... Doctor, that's a picture of you in a leopard bikini.
Doctor: Heavens, how did that get in there! Haha, I apologize for that.
Then I left the room, laughing so hard my ribs hurt
