The Lunatics of Fast Food

So, when I was a Senior in High School, I was completely broke and ready to go to college, so like many teens I had to find a summer job. The job I chose was a southwest Tex-Mex restaraunt chain called Taco Cabana. It's only in a few states and it's basically a glorified Taco Bell.

So, what I want to point out today are the absolute, maniacal fanatics that take over during the grave yard shift. Because I was 18 at the time, there were a few nights where I had to work from midnight to dawn with the biggest creeps, junkies and failures of life. There were two particular people that I found completely insane and incapable of living during the daylight which was the reason they took on the job of night crawlers.

First off is Daniella, the 45 year old "escort" who lost her children two years ago by CPS due to the fact that she was addicted to cocaine. The other worker was Tommy who looked like he could have been in his mid-40s but was in actuality, only 25 years old. Tommy is a deranged, antisocial outcast that has meth scars all over his face and teeth so yellow, they look like a row of overused urinal cakes.

The only Godsend I had to look forward to on these night shifts was Tiffany, a hilarious 22 year old girl with dark hair and a twisted sense of humor like me.

It was a Monday night and the four of us were at our posts, with nothing to do standing idly by as the instrumental mexican music played inside. I never knew why we were open 24 hours even on a Monday night, it was ridiculously slow and the only occasional customers we would have were absolute maniacs. Like seriously, I feel like our particular restaraunt was next door to a mental asylum and every night, the maniacs escaped and craved our delicious tacos and burritos.

So this is what happened... It was probably about 2 a.m. when we decided to give up and hang out in the back kitchen, at least until we heard someone come in or we heard that ding that occurs when a driver pulls up to the menu. Tiffany and I found humor in talking with Daniella and Tommy only because their comments and stories were so fucking strange.

So here's how it went... (I'm Leo)

Tiffany: Tommy, how's your girlfriend.

Tommy: My what?

Tiffany: Your girlfriend.

(Tiffany and I started to laugh because Tommy makes this weird face when he doesn't hear someone clearly which is always.)

Tommy: Oh, she's good. We're starting to look at apartments, we really gotta get out of her parent's place.

Leo: Do you guys do it at her parent's house? Do they ever hear her moan?

Tommy: Oh my god, shut up Leo... We do it in the car before I come in for work when she drops me off.

(Me and Tiffany start laughing hysterically.)

Daniella: Awh, that's sweet that you guys still make time for that. My sugar daddy never does anything romantic.

Tiffany: That's because he's paying to fuck you and he's married.

(Daniella picks up a large kitchen knife.)

Daniella: Bitch, I will cut you.

(I start laughing so hard I'm going to pee then realize that Daniella is serious and she begins to approach Tiffany.)

Leo: Daniella, stop... Maria's going to be pissed when she comes in tomorrow and Tiffany is dead on the floor.

Daniella: You're not even worth it, Tiffany. I need to get my kids back and I'm not throwing that away for your sorry ass.

(Tiffany sighs from relief and Tommy raises his hand. He always does this when he wants to talk.)

Tommy: Man, I wish I still worked back at the funeral home.

Leo: You worked at a funeral home?

Tommy: Yeah man.

Leo: Did you see bodies?

Tommy: Yeah man, I did everything imaginable to those bodies. You name it, I did it.

(Tiffany and I laugh so hard, we both pee a little bit.)

Tiffany: Tommy, stop. Just stop, I don't want to hear anymore.

Tommy: Trust me, you don't.

Ding

Then it was time to go back to work and the lunatics went back to their side of the store... I kind of miss that place.

Posted in: Fast Food,Lunatics,Taco Cabana