Thursday, April 7, 2011

Wal-Mart Wasteland

Before I get started, I want to make it very clear that I love Wal-Mart and I think it does an awesome service for struggling families that so desperately need cheap shit because their crappy jobs won't allow any other source.

With that said, I want to bring light on the people of Wal-Mart... Seriously, it's like walking into a circus but, I'm not saying only strange and hideous people shop at Wal-Mart! I've actually seen pretty girls and normal looking families but 75% of the time, the shoppers are typically the dirt of the human species.

So I was walking around the popcorn chicken smelling store, looking for a notebook I needed for class and dove into the trenches of human waste and asshole children. On the way to the notebook aisle, I stopped because there was a pig-nosed, red-faced little shit-stain of a child in my way, holding a plunger. A plunger? What the fuck... He was pointing the plunger directly at me and standing there with fortitude as if he's the KING OF FUCKING WAL-MART.

"Don't you move a muscle," he said in a country accent.

I made my way around the little ball of dough and dodged into an aisle... But oh my god, I dodged into the wrong aisle. There standing in the rows upon rows of soaps, towels and other restroom utencils was an old woman in an automated shopping cart. Everyone I have ever seen in these rascal-shopping carts have been a complete asshole with absolutely no regard in the fact that they are in a store where other people walk around. The old woman had garfield hair pins and greyish hair and a smug attitude that screamed "Get away from me because I'm basically the old guy from UP".

She turned her little machine around and started to rampage her way toward me like a slow and brittle rhinoceros. Needless to say, I got the fuck out of her way and let her pass me by with what little life she had left.

I tried to make my way to the school supplies aisle, keeping my vision straight forward so I wouldn't get depressed by seeing all of the dead eyed mothers trying to control their hundreds of children on leashes. Seriously, what the fuck? Why are middle class women having so many children and at what point in time did it become okay to just give up and treat them like animals and put them on a leash.

So after endless minutes of ignoring the putrid smells and holding in my pee because I refused to be molested in the Wal-Mart "family" restroom, I finally made my way out of the horde of animalistic consumers, fucking and reproducing more idiots.

But Wal-Mart is still a pretty cool place...

20 clueless comments:

DAMN bro i felt your pain with that description

Very interesting..

I love and hate walmart. great savings but destroying little businesses at that expense.

go check out mobys new plants!

Haha, nice! I tend to avoid Wal-Mart as much as possible not because it's "evil", but because of what you just described. Whenever I go it's a similar scenario.

I have absolutely no respect for the business ethics of Walmart and the white trash that frequent the store.

never been to a walmart, we don't have them here :D

lol nice blog. if u think thats bad go late at night when the real freaks come out! that shit can be scary

hahaha your blog is fantastic. love the lady with the two kids. She must shop at petco, you can get your dog and kids' leashes at the same time!

lol @ the leashes
that is failed parenting right there

I don't think ANYONE likes going to walmart :x

I'm glad that Walmart isn't NEARLY as big here in Germany as it is in the US. But we got equivalents...*sigh*

lol sounds like an adventure

walmart on friday night=ROFL

I see a lot of fucking weird people at that place, but i still love it.

No wal-mart in my country, but I know the described kind of people from w-m's equivalent. Well, thay are people after all and have to shop somewhere. Imagining what their homes and family lifes look like, that's scary.

please write more outbursts :D they are fun to read

hahaha Brilliant rant. You definitely made me laugh at your pain XD

Kids on a leash. That shit drives me insane.

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