Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Strangeness of Malls



I went to the mall this past weekend because I had to get fitted for a suit for a blah blah blah, no one cares... So, I haven't been to the mall for a while due to the fact that I do most of my shopping at target or thrift shops because you know, I'm a broke college student. As I walked through the department stores, being assaulted by the perfume women that just stand their like fucking idiots, I noticed that the mall is seriously a strange place. I can understand the need for nice things if you have the money and the expensive clothes that the public just gobbles up but there are a few things I just can't wrap my head around.


One of these things is the abundance of rejected characters that sit in the middle of the mall in hopes that someone's kid will take a picture with them. I can understand Santa but that's about it. Everytime I have gone to the mall there is a lame ass, minimum wage employee sweating inside of a costume that has clearly been thrown out by an abandoned high school. For example, this past weekend I saw a humongous Easter Bunny man sitting in the middle of the mall with a great setting of gigantic flowers and bird houses. Umm... That's fucking terrifying. What child wants to greet a HUMAN SHAPED rabbit? Donnie Darko... That's who.



Also, Hollister is probably one of the strangest advertising stores I've seen. At what point will they stop marketing their clothes toward tweens, young blonde boys and blonde girls and finally start marketing it at who actually wears the clothes now which is mexican men and their pregnant girlfriends.

Seriously, the only people I see wearing hollister anymore are the latino community. I myself am a Mexican American (I don't wear hollister) and whenever I cross the border and see my relatives it's like an explosion of every tween catalog in the mall.




Another thing that grows in popularity because of the sales of its obvious shame-filled treats is the franchise known as Cinnabon. Everyone I see in line for this has the saddest expression of defeat on their face as they waddle forward in the line and accept their fate as a cinnabon enthusiast. When I was walking into one of the stores, I saw a muslim woman eating a cinnabon cinamon roll on a bench with her legs up, enjoying her treat alone. When I approached her from behind, she turned around violently and gave me an expression filled with shame as if I had just caught her jacking off.
THIS IS WHAT CINNABON DOES TO PEOPLE.




21 clueless comments:

I don't care. I don't get enough calories as it is. I can eat cinnabon without shame.

it sounds like you go to the same mall as me :)

Great writing, and I can really relate to all of this.

:)

I spend as little time in the mall as possible!

My mall doesn't have much of anything, not even a cinnabon :(

/SOBS
I KNOW I HAVE AN ADDICTION
I LOVE CINNABON AND IT LOVES ME BACK ;___;

Wish i had a mall near me :(

I hate malls. Too many people.....

Here we have giant malls, like mall of america. It´s allmost a city by itself. Incredible.

You deleted my comment? Say waaaat?

malls are indeed weird places and a good spot to watch people´s behavior, specially on "Black Fridays"

I actually hate cinnabon theyre way overpriced

I feel you on the cinnabon. The smell is intoxicating but crushes your soul a little bit...

Cinnabon is making me hungry.

Seriously though, I don't care for malls myself. A little too crowded for my taste.

I always feel like I don't buy enough when I go to a mall with people. I just know I can get everything much cheaper elsewhere or on the internet and don't bother.

the only things the mall is good for are movie theaters, taco bell, and trolling for eye candy. I and many people enjoy going to the mall on a regular basis to acquire these things :p

I rarely go to malls, but when I do I spend hours and hours looking around at some stuff and ended buying just a few.

Sounds like you and I have been going to the same mall!!!

The Cinnabon stuff is very similar to a Louis CK bit.

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