Celebrities That Look Alike

I guess for some reason, Hollywood thought it would be a good idea to make a clone of certain actors/actresses. I've noticed this alot while watching movies to the point where I'm like "WAIT... Wasn't she in that movie with Black Jack?" Then my friend is like "Shutup and eat your popcorn." It's really hard to tell some of these people apart, you...

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"What If's" with Tootsy

So the only thing that makes my job tolerable is the girl that sits in the cube beside me. For obvious reasons, I'm not going to use her real name so I will only refer to her as Tootsy. I say Tootsy because I'm eating a tootsie roll right now and it is scrum-diddly-umptious. Awh yeah, I Ned Flanderized that shit. Moving on! Tootsy is a black 30...

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Why I avoid the elevator at work

Small talk is the devil. Scratch that, small talk is the devil's pierced dick trying to penetrate you. Maybe it's because of my anti-social tendencies or the lack of caring (or knowledge) of every day things that people at work like to talk about in the elevator. So yeah, gas prices are up but what the hell difference does it make if I'm talking about...

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Shit Devin Says: Awkward Silences

As I've posted before, Devin is a very awkward, very round and an accidental expert on comedic timing that sits beside me in Calculus. Today we only had to pop in for fifteen minutes to do attendance then we would leave because the school is being shut down for renovations and blah blah blah money, money, money... Anyways, today everyone walked in groggy and Devin looked around like a curious bird stuck in a puddle of molasses in January. (Wow, sorry... I've been watching too many episodes of Gold Rush.) So yeah, Devin finally opens his mouth...

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Rejected Country Songs

Country songs are all sweet and peaceful and about butterflies floating out of guitar strums but back in the 60s when old country grew rampant with popularity in the deep south, people loved writing songs about oppression! Fuck yeah! So here's a list of some rejected country songs that just couldn't meet with today's politically appropriate standards. -...

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Advertised Songs, Vol. 1

As you know, advertisers are always looking for new and creative ways to shove product placement down our throats in every day lives. It's on the internet, on our phones, in our mail boxes and someday they will be in OUR BRAINS... Jk (I hope). So here's a few of some classic songs I thought would be a pretty good selection for a bit of advertisement...

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Live Blog: 4/20 (Sad Mom Day)

Today is a day to be celebrated but it is also a day that is unknowingly dreaded by witless mothers that think that funny smell in your room is a dead skunk in the attic. I'll be live blogging my experiences all day from start to end, feel free to join me in the comments if you'd like. 12:35 am - Took my first celebratory hit with David Bowie's record Space Oddity playing in my room. Whoever Tom is, I need him to know that ground control is coming. Gonna stay on the internet for a bit longer then hit the bed. 6:57 am - Time for school! Once again...

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420: sad mom day

As many of you may know, tomorrow is the celebrated "4/20" which basically means "hey everybody let's get high and disappoint our mothers." So yeah, I'll be celebrating national disappoint your mother day along with some friends and I'll have a 24 hour blog post starting at midnight. Feel free to share your terrible, drug altered thoughts. ...

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Technology Worm Hole

I walked into Verizon Sunday, skeptical on getting a new phone and somehow I ended up walking out with an iPhone? Okay, sure I guess this thing is a part of my life now. At first I just thought it would be an ipod and a phone mixed together... Cool! Now I don't have to carry two things. But oh my god, it's so much more. Seriously guys, I've fallen...

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Monday Movie Review: 2012

Well, I guess we should go ahead and start this car wreck. Come on kids, get in the car, because we're going to Suckville. I guess I don't really have a personal problem with disaster movies, I actually quite enjoy them. Deep Impact, Armageddon, Independence Day... All pretty bad movies, but enjoyable! 2012 really set the path in shitty, shitty...

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Orange Juice: The New Teenage Drug

So, I saw this commercial on TV the other day and couldn't help but think: huh? Hahaha, this kid's life sucks and he doesn't give a shit about it. "What's that, baby sister? You said you want me to molest you at night when mom is asleep, great thanks awesome." "What did you just say, puppy? You'd like to bite on my leg and have me throw you into the blender and microwave your chunks? Great, awesome at least I have my orange juice." This kid is a mess. They might as well replace orange juice with heroin in this commercial. Someone give him...

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Have A Good Friday

This kid knows what I'm talking about! ...

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What Not To Do At Church On Easter

So Easter Sunday is approaching, the day where Jesus rose from the dead and feasted upon the brains of the innocent and a lot of people are doing their bi-yearly routine of attending church. I'm not calling these people hypocrites or anything, but they're probably the same kind of people that only visit their parents in retirement homes once a year....

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Things That Terrify Me

There are a lot of things that disturb and out right scare the shit out of me. So, let's get started DUDES... First on the list... toilets. I know everyone has grown used to the sound and has been used as the international sound for "I'm done pooping" but seriously, the sound is just awful. Pooping should be a peaceful, empathetical experience that...

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"Awwhhhh" Fest: 2011

Click here to waste time Enjoy the rest of your day. ...

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Military Fever

I've noticed lately that a lot of kids I went to high school with are now in the military, army, marines, navy etc.... It's all the same to me to be honest. I understand that there are certain jobs that are more dangerous than others when you're going into the armed forces but... Why? Seriously, why would you sign up for something like this when you're...

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Co-Worker Madness!

One red heel... One little red heel changed a woman's life yesterday. For obvious reasons, I'm not going to say the exact place I work but just so you guys know, I'm an intern at a certain "Association" that has just been discontinued by the government and it involves a little bit of space exploration. Moving on! So of course, there have been some...

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Monday Movie Review: Avatar

Alright, I know this isn't the newest movie to come out but I'm broke and can't afford to go to the movies every damn weekend so deal with it. I saw this on HBO the other night for the first time and honestly can't seem to find the hype of it. So, let's get started. First of all, why is this movie so fucking long? Avatar is so long that it should...

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Shit Devin Says: Time Travel

Hey everyone, hope your weekend was awesome... So, I went back into precal class this Monday and what awaited me, you ask? Devin and his awesome fables... Like I said, Devin always says shit that doesn't make sense and he always seems to find a way to sneak his way into conversations and share his input. Here's how today went. (I'm Leo) Curtis: So yeah, we have to learn about quantum physics in my physics class. Leo: Really? That's part of the curriculum? I always thought that was sci-fi stuff. Curtis: It's mainly theories but yeah we're essentially...

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Have A Good Friday!

She's so damn edgy! ...

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The Lunatics of Fast Food

So, when I was a Senior in High School, I was completely broke and ready to go to college, so like many teens I had to find a summer job. The job I chose was a southwest Tex-Mex restaraunt chain called Taco Cabana. It's only in a few states and it's basically a glorified Taco Bell. So, what I want to point out today are the absolute, maniacal fanatics...

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So A Duck Walks Into An Ice Cream Shop...

For years, this joke has been told and re-told and some of you may have already heard it... My uncle told me this joke about a year ago and I thought I'd share it.So, a duck walks into an ice cream shop and looks around. It's not a normal duck it's pretty smart and it wears pants and stuff.So, the duck is looking around and then he turns to the clerk...

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Wal-Mart Wasteland

Before I get started, I want to make it very clear that I love Wal-Mart and I think it does an awesome service for struggling families that so desperately need cheap shit because their crappy jobs won't allow any other source. With that said, I want to bring light on the people of Wal-Mart... Seriously, it's like walking into a circus but, I'm not...

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Why I L.O.V.E. Kyle Kinane

Seriously, if you want to witness true comedy and amazing execution, watch this vid...

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The Facebook Epidemic

I unfortunately have been sucked into the vortex of social networks and sitting on my ass with a thin layer of cheeto dust on my shirt. Well, I am NOT dusting off all of the cheeto dust but instead I will share with you the absurdity that I have seen on facebook...First off, we have the imbeciles that know literally nothing about music and instead...

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The 10 Greatest Movie Quotes: Kitty Edition

According to AMC, these are the 10 greatest movie quotes of all time. Let's translate them into kitty language!10. Anna Christie (1930)"Gimme a whiskey, ginger ale on the side. And don't be stingy baby."Translation: "Gimme your whiskers, ginger snaps on the side. And don't be stingy pussy."9. Taxi Driver (1976)"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me?...

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Shit Devin Says

In precal class lies a boy named Devin. Devin is a round-bellied awkward kid that says shit that literally never makes sense. He rambles and talks a million miles per hour, then crosses his arms as if he had just succeeded something. Here is how today went. (I am Leo)Karla: Did you get that shirt in Germany?Leo: No, I got it in a thrift shop.Karla:...

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The Strangeness of Malls

I went to the mall this past weekend because I had to get fitted for a suit for a blah blah blah, no one cares... So, I haven't been to the mall for a while due to the fact that I do most of my shopping at target or thrift shops because you know, I'm a broke college student. As I walked through the department stores, being assaulted by the perfume...

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Today's New Rule

While walking in front of a male (who has testacles), please refrain from swinging your arms. Believe it or not women, your arms are the perfect distance to lightly tap a man's genitals which proves to be a gargantuan amount of pa...

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Monday Movie Review: Scream

Scream 4 is being released in theaters this month (YES) and of course I'm excited. I've always loved the scream trilogy, but I guess it's not a trilogy anymore. Anyways, I re-watched Scream last night and noticed a few things about it that I didn't before because I haven't seen it in so long.Scream is a slasher flick that used the traditional murderous...

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The Life and Death of Mr. Caterpillar

Okay, so something weird has been happening in my living room for the past week. I noticed it Tuesday when I got up from my blogging to go and use the little boy's room. When I returned, to my surprise, there was a small caterpillar, peculiar in shape, slithering around on my keyboard. Of course, it startled me and instead of killing it, I just flicked...

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